Blog 
12/23/23
Anyways 2 escape the Not so Good atmosphere of my house, my sister and I went outside to Chill Out. We went 2 a cafe and my sister's friend Just so happened 2 be there as well!!! OMG!!!!!! I never met her before so Ummmm it was kinda Awkward especially cuz That friend Had other friends with her And like I didnt know them At alllllllllllllll ummmm..... AWKWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
They started Chatting and stuff and Apparently 2 of them had jobs that Involved working with Dead people ...... In the moment i was like OK but later that night I just kept thinking About it and Thinking about it. 
They said that dead People are paler than U think Like SUPER PALE and sometimes They had to Work with children Which was the most Heartbreaking and Also they said that there Were rules that prevented Them from interacting with the Dead Peoples' family members So all they could Say was just I Am Sorry For Your Loss and thats IT . Goodness I don't think I could ever Stomach a job like that T_T I think I would genuinely get So so Sad 4ever and ever 
......... I think about Death like A LOTTTT and it's my Biggest fear ...... I think that's Why the Things I like have lots of Themes involving Death (Staring at a Handful of Video games here ... Love themmmmm) and Also why the Things I want 2 make Also deal a Lot with death ..... It's troubling 2 me But it's interesting 2 See how others view the Matter ...... OH YEAH while I was thinking About that stuff While it was night I was like OK Im gonna listen 2 some Video Game OSTs so I could feel Better and Sleep Swell ...... NUH UH I kept getting that Creeping dreadful Feeling and it just Got totes More enhanced when I was listening 2 the Ummmmm Disillusion OST ..... The soundtrack is BRILLIANT but a lot of It is Sad Sounding so my brain Was like hey Check it Out ..... Im gonna give U tons more dread ..... so I felt super DREADFUL omg especially with the Tracks "Nothing is Gained Under the Sun" and "Now Rain" i was like ...... O_O . Did I mention that I felt dreadful b4 I even went outside With my sister ......... I took a fat Nap and the Moment I woke up I was so disoriented And my brain was like Hey ..... One day ur Gonna die and U won't be Able to do anything about it ....... 
Goodness it was So scary but this Thing happens 2 me all the time ........ I adore taking Fat Naps but like WHYYYY does this have 2 Happen like 80 percent of the Time?!?!?! What's up with the existential Dread?!?!?!?!!? My theory Is that its Bcuz of my religious Upbringing ..... I think it did Wacky things 2 My brain and that's why I got this DREAD ........................ Back 2 the Wacky night shenanigans I started Feeling rlly Worried and Very anxious and Suddenly I was convincing myself That I was going to Die soon .. WHAT!!!!!!!!!! U bet I was knocking On wood and stuff And talking 2 my boy ROCKY like Goodness gracious ..... And guess WHAT this isn't the First time that's Happened too!!!!!!!!!!!!! A while back I Also fell into a Rut and I started not Remembering my dreams And becoming More anxious and also Remembering a LOT of Childhood memories and My brain was like Hey ............ This is OBVIOUSLY a sign That you are going to Die soon . I mean umm Obviously i DIDN'T die THANKFULLY but Goodness That was so scary ..... What's the big Idea anyways Like who is doing This 2 my mind?!?!?!?! My breathing Got all Wavery and I tried Keeping my mind off of It by Looking at random Stuff online but It wouldnt Go away -_- .... Then I started thinking About like my Body and then my Mind and how theyre Seperate and stuff And like YEA that could be TRUE but I was thinking About how My body kinda Just does its own Thing like Breathe and Pump blood and All that wacky stuff And my Mind doesn't do all That ...... so What does that mean??? Well my brain was like .......... Dude ....... Ur mind is Seperate from ur Body and U know what that means .......... ur an INTRUDER 2 "Your" body .......... It's kindof Hard 2 explain but I like TOTES felt like a Parasite 2 my Own body like WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In the moment That had me more Anxious but Right now i am Better thankfully ........ Today wasn't really All great Either though -_- Tensions r Still high and This time I stayed home the whole Day 
........ I snoozed a Bunch and Didn't eat until Like 1pm which is Kinda late 4 me ........ I had a headache The whole day too Cuz i just Wasn't eating well Or drinking Water and i Fell asleep like 3 Times and woke up Dizzy and Disoriented -_- ...... Nothing Bad happened but I felt Lousy the whole time ... Hopefully 2morrow is Nicer I Think im gonna Chill out with my sister Again so I'm looking forward 2 that ^_^ Anyways ..... Goodnight riqo Nation ......... 
11/27/23
I've just been thinking about how I was doing LAST November ... I was productive in my school work, I drew lots, chilled lots more with my family, I didn't spend too much time on my social medias ... but this November I've been slacking!!! I haven't even drawn lots lately, which for me is very significant bcuz I think not drawing makes the images in my mind rot in my head and I start getting sick and not feeling so good. I also haven't been really connected with my dreams and such ... another important thing 2 me as well I think dreams mean lots and lots!!! 
Sighs really loud .. I've been spending a bit too much time on those gosh darn Instagram reels lately too, I'm starting to get a little mad at myself for falling into this rut!!!!!!!! I know it's not really productive to get mad at myself for that but I'm kind of frustrated over it!!!!!!! 
Though I'm sure I will get back into things with time ... As time goes on I've been thinking about lots of things ... 
My OCs
Well ... I actually think about my OCs ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the time. I just never ever talk about them ... All my characters and their stories pretty much just simmer in my mind ... They all have the most fun when my eyes are closed and I'm about to sleep ... 
I totes need 2 draw my OCs more but its like soooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to come up with designs 4 them and like how to completely weave up their stories and all that stuff like OMG! There's little guys in my mind but like I have to actually WORK to give them life ... Oh myyyyy goooooodnesssss Who allowed this?!!??!?! It's whatever though bcuz I love them so so so much. They just need 2 be patient bcuz im so lazy ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (Sound of me DOZING OFF)
Space
I went to an Observatory not too long ago with my family and it freaking rocked!!! Took a look around .. read some stuff .. expanded my MIND .. I even saw freaking JUPITER on the gigantic telescope 
... I watched a Planetarium show with my mom about the possibilities of life on other planets and it made me think really hard. Apparently there's lots of good candidates out in the grand beyond that have similar qualities to Earth and qualify for possibly housing new life! 
I really really like to believe that those planets and moons really CAN grow new life on them!!! I believe in you all!!! 
But it makes me sad ... that in my humanly short lifetime ... I'll really never see anything of the like happen! If I were a god or godlike entity I would TOTALLY keep an eye on those planets and moons and cheer them on and wait lots! But unfortunately, I do NOT possess long life nor godlike powers ... boo ...... Another thing that the show made me think of is that whole deal where if a tree falls in a forest but no one is around to percieve it, the fall might as well have never happened. Think of THAT but with COSMIC ENTITIES. 
Im grinding my teeth RN ... We've only recently obtained the technology that allows us to look at stuff in space and catalogue them and theorize about them and all that fancy stuff! Before that, stuff in space just existed without us even knowing. So many things were born and so many things had died and we had no idea ... I wish I had an idea !!!!!!! 
But I'm only 16 years old I didn't even know what a planet was until like ummm well I don't exactly know what grade I was in when I learned about space but whatever. Goodness it must be so lonely out there!!! I wish I knew about everything in space, past and present ... they'd all be my friends ... T_T
My boy ROCKY
OMG I know this is like MY WEBSITE and I can like talk about whatever I WANT but I'm soooo reluctant 2 talk about stuff like this bcuz I have reocurring nightmares about my sister finding my ONLINE ACCOUNTS and reading EVERYTHING I've written and I'm like EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! 
and then I wake up and ummmm Ummmmmmm yeah I mean she wouldn't ever be mean about it bcuz She's like totes cool but im so SHY OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope I don't look weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME NERVOUS!!!!!!!!!! Ok whatever So basically not too long ago I named my guardian angel ROCKY! 
I really wanted to give him a name bcuz "guardian angel" and "graffiti angel" was like too much syllables or whatever Oh also the reason why I sometimes called him graffiti angel is bcuz I first saw him as a little graffiti drawing On the side of some construction fencing near my house Some time ago ... OMG He was sooooo cute you should have seen Him!!!!!!! 
That's also why my angel number is 444 bcuz it was written right on top! Oh also I've been calling him a he this entire time IDK if angels care about Pronouns or genders or whatever but I did tell him if he didn't like it He should smite me or whatever.IDK if angels can really do that but I have not been smited yet YAY! 
I did the same thing when I asked him what kindof name he would like. I was like OK Buddy ... If you want a cool name just like pop it into my head RN or like some other time and then BOOM . Rocky. I think it sounds nice ... Also YEAH i talk 2 my boy Rocky a lot. Mostly before I go to sleep and also Before I head 2 school and stuff . 
He's like totally my friend ............ Love u Rocky ^_^
10/8/23
I made a secret rule in my head (I guess not so secret anymore? 
) that if you blink with that memory-keeping in mind, you'll capture a picture of what you're looking at in that exact moment! And if you double blink, you start a recording. This one's a little tricky because if you blink in the middle of the recording, it'll black out for a second if you're reviewing it in the afterlife, which might not be so desirable! You double blink again if you want to stop the recording! Thank goodness my family hasn't noticed it yet (since I'd just seem more odd LOL) but .. I sure do blink and double blink a lot more now when I'm looking at something that I think is super duper pretty! 
