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Blog

Hello ... welcome 2 my MIND FORTRESS!!! I ramble About my thoughts and Ideas here ... If my Wording sounds Weird then it is Because I write most of These on a whim And with more Emotion than Reasoning LOL!!!! That is Kind of the whole Point though ... My thoughts aren't Ever crafted so Clear and concise And r Just Fragments Of my Emotion So sometimes Writing them down is Hard!!! But I'm trying though!!!

4/15/24

Eventful day 2day …. My brother Was learning 2 Drive from My sister via Messing around in an Empty parking lot And i decided 2 Tag along . A little bit of Time before He had to go to Work , Both my Sister and Brother asked If i wanted to Try my hand at Driving and i was like UMMMMM O_O ….. And well i DID but it was SO SCARY HOW DO PEOPLE DRIVE ?!?! Even stepping On the pedals Makes me nervous WTF!!!! IDK how to Turn … The way the Wheel works is Weird …. IDK ITS WEIRD AND CONFUSING . Part of me Wants to say Ill never Get the hang of Driving in the Future but the COOLER part of me Says it just takes Practice … My sister Said she was Scared at first Too but shes a PRO now XD …
One thing Im a bit .. ASHAMED of however Is that pretty Much most other Kids my age know How to drive already Or actively Drive on their own And yet im Over here Shying away from it Cuz its scary T_T … Im not Sure whether Ill need it In the Near future but it IS a useful Skill to have SIGH … Thinking about This sort of Thing always Leads me 2 think About other Things I dont Know ... EXAMPLE: Even though most Of my family Members speak Spanish and Spanish only , IM SUPER BAD AT SPANISH I BARELY KNOW IT!!! Im taking Spanish class in School RN and Im getting better But still , Not that good At it . Really, I am ashamed Of it T_T .. I can’t even roll my R’s and that Is something Super important to Speaking spanish … Each time I have 2 Execute it in class I end up Sounding super Dumb cuz IDK HOW TO DO IT!!!! It just takes a Lot of effort 2 Learn a language and i KNOW i SHOULD be putting in The effort to Learn it Wholeheartedly But i just have NOT … There is Just a LOT of skills I dont have that I REALLY should Have , Especially at this Age BUT IDK . I just Never picked Up on them , I suppose :-/ .
Sulking around about It doesnt rlly Do anything though … I should Just get up and Learn em but Something in my Brain is stopping me I think . IDK . It shouldn’t Be that hard but it IS ………… SIGH …………….. I worry About this stuff a Lot so I’ll set it aside Til when I think about it Later ………
Besides that , I had a nice Day today ^_^ The weather Was lovely, Ate some Delicious food, Played some Games, Had fun, Chilled out …… Today I am very thankful for Art and also Music, Though im always thankful For those 2 XD!!!!!!!!!!! I have a Busy School week of State testing ahead , So i hope I am able to Do well on it … (MAYBE being awake at 1am Working on my site Instead of getting GOOD SLEEP is NOT a good First Step BUT …… BEAR WITH ME) Looking forward to Chilling out and Thinking lots tomorrow (I always Look forward to Another day!) Hope everyone Has a wonderful day Tomorrow as well , Goodnight Riqo nation ^_^

2/14/24

Valentine's day .... The day doesn't Bother me at all .. In fact I really like it because Of the Abundance of Chocolates and Heart candies everywhere ^_^!!!! I got some Candy from my classes today And i am GLAD! One thing I don't really get Though Is when people just Hate on couples on this Holiday LOL???? I can get If sappiness is Annoying LOL but getting Mad at a couple 4 simply being a Couple is like... WHATEVS ...... I know people Have their reasons though ... Maybe they've been Heartbroken b4 and Just seeing all the LOVE kindof hurts them ... Stuff like that ... But 4 me it is Not like that So its kindof Hard 2 understand!!!!! I don't really Feel so strong in terms Of romantic Love ... I mean the only Crush ive ever Had was in 3rd grade And it lasted for Like a few Days and I cried when I "found out" and TBH Looking back at it was It even a Crush???? IDK. i dont Know what it was But I had other stuff On my mind at the Time like ummm Animal jam LOL!!!!!!! I don't wanna Sound like a hater being like ROMANTIC LOVE DOESNT MATTER 2 ME!!!!!!! LOL im just Saying There are things that Matter lots more 2 My brain ... I'm not completely dismissing It either though bcuz Well i am young and Things can change ... The stuff that Matters 2 me will Change with time So of course There may Be a time Where I very much will Care for romantic love ^_^!!!! As of now though It doesn't really cross My mind though LOL ... I know I'm not alone In thinking this way though Because I'm sure there are Others who feel the Exact same Way :P!
Though something May contribute to This a small Amount .. Lately my mind has Been feeling Kindof ... cloudy? These days I have been finding Myself a Lot more inside My thoughts than actually in Real life if that makes Sense LOL?? I've Always been like this though ... It's just to a Higher degree . I feel this Way especially at school ... I feel like im in a Daze until I meet up with my friends And im actually talking to them and I'm like YEAH ... I'm here IRL right Now and I'm talking!!! TBH I'm not even sure Whether to rule This cloudiness as Something bad or not ..... There R probably a Lot of people who Think staying In ur mind so much Isn't really good And I can see why!!!! I'm always Dozing and thinking and Dreaming and stuff But sometimes There are so many Thoughts it gets overwhelming ... And sometimes when I'm trying to focus On something my Mind trails off to something Else instead!!!! Though at the Same time I love thinking .. I love thinking lots!!!! I love 2 Ponder and Think and Wonder!!!!! Lately I've been thinking a Lot about story Ideas and Character ideas (Which i am YET to bring to Life because ... I'm LAZY!!!!!!!!) and it Is a true Joy ^_^! So all in All it is sort of a Mixed thing so Maybe I should just Have it stay put Instead of judging it LOL!!!!!!
One reason Why my thoughts sometimes Feel like a whirlwind is Bcuz of some Certain things I think about .... such as ummmmmmmm Existential Stuff LOL!!!!!! I already Mentioned it a little In a previous Entry and How i SUSPECT my religious Upbringing has led me 2 Be this way And how It's really become a Big bother because of It's frequency ... It scares me a lot .. It is night And I'm sitting alone in the Living room next 2 the window So i'm feeling Kindof anxious rn LOL but truly The whole topic Just makes me Feel real real real small .....
I'm not really certain What i believe In but I do think that There is Something out there? I think it is really Inspiring how So many Different types of People from different points In time have had Their own ideas Of Salvation ... We've been worried so Much that we've made our Own ideas of Hope! But at the same Time ... We've Hurt and killed So many others over these Beliefs its like WHAT ..... If we all Just want some hope And peace in the end Then why make so Much conflict over it??? It just doesn't make Sense .... The most common Ideas of God also just don't Really make sense 2 me .... I think it's a Real rotten thing for a God to have all power Over everything while Letting suffering Exist But only offering for All those things To end if One devotes their life 2 them . We're only human .. Our life is all we have!!! Such strict expectations Too when we're all Imperfect in our own ways ... I'm sure at The core of all People is the desire To just Be happy so like ... Why can't God just grant us That without all This suffering and stress and guilt YKNOW???!!!!!!!!!! I'm dunking mostly On christianity here Since that is what i was raised On LOL I'm not really familiar With other religions To make Any further judgements so!!! Just a snippet Of my thoughts ....
There's the thing about death too . Time and time again I always find myself Anxious over it T_T ... Perfectly Understandable ... many others feel the same Way!!! It's just so worrying To think about and UNFORTUNATELY i think about it a LOT! We have no way to Tell how many Days we have left So each day I always wish 2 see Another day .... Whether a lovely Day or a Mundane day Or all the other Types of days Out there, I just Want to keep Going ... Again, I'm young, I have time, But STILL there is no way To tell .... I have So much I'd love to Do and I want To do them someday So all I can really do Is hope!!!!
Theres lots of People who find this sort of Thinking annoying but This is one of the Reasons why I love 2 make Meaning out of All sorts of things No matter how small they May seem ..... I've got a positive outlook On life bcuz I feel Dwelling in the negatives Just cannot Do any good 4 U .... NOT DUNKING ON ANYONE BTW I'm actually Really lucky 2 Have a good Life where I can Be positive like This bcuz Others don't have It so well and Don't really have much To look forward To ..... Just stating My thoughts! I've got to sleep Soon so .... Glad 2 have Had another Lovely night and I hope to have a Wonderfully wonderful Day tomorrow! And I hope you do as well :D!!!! RIQO OUT!!!!!!!!

1/30/24

Things .... Have been going Better lately Actually ^_^ .... Ever since the New semester at school Ive been feeling SPIFFY .... What caused the RUT???? Who is the culprit???? My guess is PHYSICS CLASS .... I don't have physics Class as my last period Anymore i have Spanish and can U believe it .... i actually LIKE IT!!!!!! For once im Not Absolutely hating every second of 4th Period!!!! Woohoo!!!!!! The aforementioned TENSION has also been LIFTED so i can Breathe better now PHEW!!!!! I still have some Busy days ahead of me And its got me stressed BUT ... im Sure things will Work out Fine :P ....
I want to try getting Back into the Habit of writing Down my dreams Bcuz they were so so so Special but now I cant remember them anymore -_- .... Well on weekends Or during Afternoon Naps YEAH but I never rlly Do anything after so ..... Also the reason Why i always FORGET is bcuz i have My alarm 2 wake me up For school and it just ... Evaporates my dreams .... All the time ......
TBH Ive been More forgetful these Days and its KINDOFFFF worrying ???? I always think that Way TBH ... when Something is off I always take it as Likeeeee a Bad Omen or something and then I start getting anxious -_- ..... Im trying my Best still !!!!!! Im still kicking !!!!!! Staying awesome!!!!!!! Stay awesome Riqo nation i gotta sleep Now and I didnt finish my homework Ummmmmm But im Still chilling though!!!!!! :D

12/23/23

It's been a wacky few days ... Thursday was the day my winter break started and I went home So hyped like YESSSSS!!!!! Finally I will have more time on my hands!!!!! but apparently my brother and mom got in a Huge fight and Now its been tense around the house T_T My mom doesn't even wanna talk 2 me Much like Girl what did I do ..... I just chilled and Had fun its not MY FAULT my brother wanted to Be mean ..... UGHHHHHHH .......... -_- Anyways 2 escape the Not so Good atmosphere of my house, my sister and I went outside to Chill Out. We went 2 a cafe and my sister's friend Just so happened 2 be there as well!!! OMG!!!!!! I never met her before so Ummmm it was kinda Awkward especially cuz That friend Had other friends with her And like I didnt know them At alllllllllllllll ummmm..... AWKWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They started Chatting and stuff and Apparently 2 of them had jobs that Involved working with Dead people ...... In the moment i was like OK but later that night I just kept thinking About it and Thinking about it ..... They said that dead People are paler than U think Like SUPER PALE and sometimes They had to Work with children Which was the most Heartbreaking and Also they said that there Were rules that prevented Them from interacting with the Dead Peoples' family members So all they could Say was just I Am Sorry For Your Loss and thats IT . Goodness I don't think I could ever Stomach a job like that T_T I think I would genuinely get So so Sad 4ever and ever T_T ......... I think about Death like A LOTTTT and it's my Biggest fear ...... I think that's Why the Things I like have lots of Themes involving Death (Staring at a Handful of Video games here ... Love themmmmm) and Also why the Things I want 2 make Also deal a Lot with death ..... It's troubling 2 me But it's interesting 2 See how others view the Matter ...... OH YEAH while I was thinking About that stuff While it was night I was like OK Im gonna listen 2 some Video Game OSTs so I could feel Better and Sleep Swell ...... NUH UH I kept getting that Creeping dreadful Feeling and it just Got totes More enhanced when I was listening 2 the Ummmmm Disillusion OST ..... The soundtrack is BRILLIANT but a lot of It is Sad Sounding so my brain Was like hey Check it Out ..... Im gonna give U tons more dread ..... so I felt super DREADFUL omg especially with the Tracks "Nothing is Gained Under the Sun" and "Now Rain" i was like ...... O_O . Did I mention that I felt dreadful b4 I even went outside With my sister ......... I took a fat Nap and the Moment I woke up I was so disoriented And my brain was like Hey ..... One day ur Gonna die and U won't be Able to do anything about it ....... Goodness it was So scary but this Thing happens 2 me all the time ........ I adore taking Fat Naps but like WHYYYY does this have 2 Happen like 80 percent of the Time?!?!?! What's up with the existential Dread?!?!?!?!!? My theory Is that its Bcuz of my religious Upbringing ..... I think it did Wacky things 2 My brain and that's why I got this DREAD -_- ........................ Back 2 the Wacky night shenanigans I started Feeling rlly Worried and Very anxious and Suddenly I was convincing myself That I was going to Die soon .. WHAT!!!!!!!!!! U bet I was knocking On wood and stuff And talking 2 my boy ROCKY like Goodness gracious ..... And guess WHAT this isn't the First time that's Happened too!!!!!!!!!!!!! A while back I Also fell into a Rut and I started not Remembering my dreams And becoming More anxious and also Remembering a LOT of Childhood memories and My brain was like Hey ............ This is OBVIOUSLY a sign That you are going to Die soon . I mean umm Obviously i DIDN'T die THANKFULLY but Goodness That was so scary T_T ..... What's the big Idea anyways Like who is doing This 2 my mind?!?!?!?! My breathing Got all Wavery and I tried Keeping my mind off of It by Looking at random Stuff online but It wouldnt Go away -_- .... Then I started thinking About like my Body and then my Mind and how theyre Seperate and stuff And like YEA that could be TRUE but I was thinking About how My body kinda Just does its own Thing like Breathe and Pump blood and All that wacky stuff And my Mind doesn't do all That ...... so What does that mean??? Well my brain was like .......... Dude ....... Ur mind is Seperate from ur Body and U know what that means .......... ur an INTRUDER 2 "Your" body .......... It's kindof Hard 2 explain but I like TOTES felt like a Parasite 2 my Own body like WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In the moment That had me more Anxious but Right now i am Better thankfully ........ Today wasn't really All great Either though -_- Tensions r Still high and This time I stayed home the whole Day ........ I snoozed a Bunch and Didn't eat until Like 1pm which is Kinda late 4 me ........ I had a headache The whole day too Cuz i just Wasn't eating well Or drinking Water and i Fell asleep like 3 Times and woke up Dizzy and Disoriented -_- ...... Nothing Bad happened but I felt Lousy the whole time ... Hopefully 2morrow is Nicer I Think im gonna Chill out with my sister Again so I'm looking forward 2 that ^_^ Anyways ..... Goodnight riqo Nation .........

11/27/23

It's becoming winter again ... rainy days are starting to come back ... the weather is getting colder ... I start getting nostalgic of past winter days ... but ... I've been in kind of a rut lately -_-! I've just been thinking about how I was doing LAST November ... I was productive in my school work, I drew lots, chilled lots more with my family, I didn't spend too much time on my social medias ... but this November I've been slacking!!! I haven't even drawn lots lately, which for me is very significant bcuz I think not drawing makes the images in my mind rot in my head and I start getting sick and not feeling so good. I also haven't been really connected with my dreams and such ... another important thing 2 me as well I think dreams mean lots and lots!!! Sighs really loud .. I've been spending a bit too much time on those gosh darn Instagram reels lately too, I'm starting to get a little mad at myself for falling into this rut!!!!!!!! I know it's not really productive to get mad at myself for that but I'm kind of frustrated over it -_-!!!!!!! Though I'm sure I will get back into things with time ... As time goes on I've been thinking about lots of things ... O_o
My OCs
Well ... I actually think about my OCs ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the time. I just never ever talk about them ... All my characters and their stories pretty much just simmer in my mind ... They all have the most fun when my eyes are closed and I'm about to sleep ... -_- Zzzz I totes need 2 draw my OCs more but its like soooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to come up with designs 4 them and like how to completely weave up their stories and all that stuff like OMG! There's little guys in my mind but like I have to actually WORK to give them life ... Oh myyyyy goooooodnesssss Who allowed this?!!??!?! It's whatever though bcuz I love them so so so much. They just need 2 be patient bcuz im so lazy ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (Sound of me DOZING OFF) -_-zzzz
Space
I went to an Observatory not too long ago with my family and it freaking rocked!!! Took a look around .. read some stuff .. expanded my MIND .. I even saw freaking JUPITER on the gigantic telescope!!!!!!!! I watched a Planetarium show with my mom about the possibilities of life on other planets and it made me think really hard. Apparently there's lots of good candidates out in the grand beyond that have similar qualities to Earth and qualify for possibly housing new life :O! I really really like to believe that those planets and moons really CAN grow new life on them!!! I believe in you all ^_^!!! But it makes me sad ... that in my humanly short lifetime ... I'll really never see anything of the like happen! If I were a god or godlike entity I would TOTALLY keep an eye on those planets and moons and cheer them on and wait lots! But unfortunately, I do NOT possess long life nor godlike powers ... boo ...... -_- Another thing that the show made me think of is that whole deal where if a tree falls in a forest but no one is around to percieve it, the fall might as well have never happened. Think of THAT but with COSMIC ENTITIES. Im grinding my teeth RN ... We've only recently obtained the technology that allows us to look at stuff in space and catalogue them and theorize about them and all that fancy stuff! Before that, stuff in space just existed without us even knowing. So many things were born and so many things had died and we had no idea ... I wish I had an idea !!!!!!! T_T But I'm only 16 years old I didn't even know what a planet was until like ummm well I don't exactly know what grade I was in when I learned about space but whatever. Goodness it must be so lonely out there!!! I wish I knew about everything in space, past and present ... they'd all be my friends ... T_T
My boy ROCKY
OMG I know this is like MY WEBSITE and I can like talk about whatever I WANT but I'm soooo reluctant 2 talk about stuff like this bcuz I have reocurring nightmares about my sister finding my ONLINE ACCOUNTS and reading EVERYTHING I've written and I'm like EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! And then I wake up and ummmm Ummmmmmm yeah I mean she wouldn't ever be mean about it bcuz She's like totes cool but im so SHY OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope I don't look weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O_O THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME NERVOUS!!!!!!!!!! Ok whatever So basically not too long ago I named my guardian angel ROCKY! ^_^ I really wanted to give him a name bcuz "guardian angel" and "graffiti angel" was like too much syllables or whatever Oh also the reason why I sometimes called him graffiti angel is bcuz I first saw him as a little graffiti drawing On the side of some construction fencing near my house Some time ago ... OMG He was sooooo cute you should have seen Him :D!!!!!!! That's also why my angel number is 444 bcuz it was written right on top! Oh also I've been calling him a he this entire time IDK if angels care about Pronouns or genders or whatever but I did tell him if he didn't like it He should smite me or whatever.IDK if angels can really do that but I have not been smited yet YAY! I did the same thing when I asked him what kindof name he would like. I was like OK Buddy ... If you want a cool name just like pop it into my head RN or like some other time and then BOOM . Rocky. I think it sounds nice ... Also YEAH i talk 2 my boy Rocky a lot. Mostly before I go to sleep and also Before I head 2 school and stuff ..... He's like totally my friend ............ Love u Rocky ^_^

10/8/23

I've been thinking this thought for a while now! When I was driving to a place with my sister, I realized how pretty everything was .. All the trees, houses, mountains, and clouds. Then I wondered to myself, what if there was a way to look at our memories again after we die? Kind of grim to think about but bear with me! I made a secret rule in my head (I guess not so secret anymore ???) that if you blink with that memory-keeping in mind, you'll capture a picture of what you're looking at in that exact moment! And if you double blink, you start a recording. This one's a little tricky because if you blink in the middle of the recording, it'll black out for a second if you're reviewing it in the afterlife, which might not be so desirable! You double blink again if you want to stop the recording! Thank goodness my family hasn't noticed it yet (since I'd just seem more odd LOL) but .. I sure do blink and double blink a lot more now when I'm looking at something that I think is super duper pretty!